I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
