If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize