I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize