Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
