I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
