Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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