I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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