i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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