1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
