I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can I color on your dick again?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
