Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
