every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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