Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
