your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
