Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
