nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
