Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
