We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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