ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
