garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
