I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
