come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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