Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
