I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
