guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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