Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
