Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
