If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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