we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
