it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
