I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
