Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
