'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize