3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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