Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
