just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize