last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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