It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize