are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
