dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's get the cat blown out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
