bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
