i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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