I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
