Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
