Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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