I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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