I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
