I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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