so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
