I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
