I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
