look no pants
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
