alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
