and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize