It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize