I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
