Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
