she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
