I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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