I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
