It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
