So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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