Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
