My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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