i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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