C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
