is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
