i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
