apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
