If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
